Coaching For Stress: Why Your Relaxation Methods May Be Failing

It doesn't matter who I'm coaching these days, the subject of stress always comes up.

The best executive coaches know that managing stress effectively isn’t just about working fewer hours or taking regular breaks - it’s about helping your nervous system recover in ways that truly restore your energy, health and mental clarity.

Let's be honest, most of us turn to relaxation methods like watching TV, scrolling on our phones, or having a drink in the evening. While these might feel like a break, they don’t help your body reset from stress.

That’s because they don’t actively lower stress hormones or promote the production of acetylcholine, a vital neurotransmitter that helps you shift into a state of deep recovery.

As a leadership coach specialising in coaching for well-being, stress and resilience, I help leaders implement science-backed strategies that actually restore mental clarity and physical energy—rather than just numbing stress temporarily.

Why Many Common Relaxation Methods Don’t Work

Most of us turn to passive relaxation techniques that feel good in the moment but don’t actually restore the nervous system. These include:

•   Watching TV or scrolling through social media – which can be distracting but doesn’t help the body reset from stress.

•   Drinking alcohol –  which may initially feel like it helps you unwind, but  even in small quantities alcohol disrupts acetylcholine production and can increase anxiety over time.

•   Binge-watching or overworking – which keeps the brain in a hyperactive state, preventing deep recovery.

Why Acetylcholine Is the Key to True Stress Recovery

The neurotransmitter acetylcholine can transform the way you manage stress and there are simple effective ways to boost its production.

When you’re under sustained pressure, your body operates in fight-or-flight mode, dominated by the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones are useful in short bursts, but when they remain elevated for too long, they lead to issues including:

•   Fatigue and poor decision-making

•   Irritability and difficulty focusing

•   Poor sleep 

•   Suppressed immune and reproductive systems

To counteract this, your body needs acetylcholine (ACh) - a neurotransmitter that helps the body recover and renew by activating the parasympathetic nervous system - the “rest-and-digest” mode. It slows heart rate, lowers blood pressure, and promotes deep relaxation, allowing the body to shift from stress mode into a healing state. 

It's impact is powerful and broad-ranging - it plays a crucial role in sleep quality, particularly REM sleep, where the brain processes memories and repairs itself. It also regulates inflammation and boosts immune function, helping tissues heal and reducing chronic stress damage.

In the gut, ACh improves digestion and nutrient absorption, ensuring the body gets the building blocks needed for muscle repair and overall vitality. 

Additionally, it balances mood and reduces cortisol, the stress hormone, leading to emotional resilience and improved mental clarity. 

So having sufficient acetylcholine is essential for overall health, recovery, and long-term well-being. Without it, even when you “relax” your body may still be in a state of low-grade stress, preventing true recovery.

The Most Effective Ways to Increase Acetylcholine and Recover from Stress

If you’re serious about managing stress in a way that allows your system to  renew and recover after a busy  day, try some of these simple yet powerful ways to boost acetylcholine:

1) Controlled Breathing – the fastest way to beat stress

Slow, controlled breathing activates the vagus nerve, which releases acetylcholine and immediately shifts the body into recovery mode. Try:

•   Box breathing – Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.

•   4-7-8 breathing – Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8.

These simple techniques  instantly lower heart rate, reduce the production of cortisol and adrenaline and stop the stress response in under a minute.

2) Slow Rhythmic Movement

Slow, deliberate movements combined with paced breathing enhance acetylcholine production and reset the nervous system.

Yoga, Tai Chi and Qigong are ancient practices which modern neuroscience has shown have a powerful impact on calming the nervous system.

Hitting the gym might feel like great stress-management, and it can be useful in short bursts to burn off adrenaline. But it's more important to use slow and calm movement to allow your system to slow down.

Even a 15-minute mindful walk outdoors can stimulate acetylcholine.

3) Take a Bath with Magnesium 

Magnesium is essential for acetylcholine production and nervous system balance, but many people are deficient due to stress. Take a relaxing warm bath with Epsom salts - magnesium sulfate or magnesium flakes increases magnesium absorption through the skin and promote deeper muscle relaxation and better sleep. 

Boost your relaxation by listening to calming music, light a scented candle - and leave your phone in another room.

4) Eat for Neurotransmitter Balance 

Acetylcholine is made from choline, an essential nutrient found in:

• Egg yolks – One of the best sources of choline.

• Fatty fish - salmon, sardines, tuna – Supports brain health and acetylcholine function.

• Nuts & seeds -almonds, walnuts, flaxseeds – Provide essential fatty acids that help neurotransmitter production.

• Leafy greens - spinach, kale, broccoli – Rich in brain-supporting 

5) Social Connection & Laughter 

Genuine social interactions—deep conversations, making eye contact, hugging, or even playing with a pet—trigger the release of acetylcholine, oxytocin, and dopamine, all of which promote a state of calm focus.

Laughter is one of the fastest ways to shift out of a stress state. Watching something genuinely funny, rather than just distracting, has a real physiological impact.

Recovery is the key to improving performance

If you’re leading a team or navigating high-pressure environments, managing stress isn’t just about feeling better - it’s about performing at your highest level.

Athletes and sports people know this and make nutrition, rest and recovery a key part of their training schedule

Coaching for stress and resilience helps leaders go beyond simply “coping” with stress and instead develop high-performance recovery habits.

•   Better decision-making – Acetylcholine improves mental clarity and emotional regulation.

•   Stronger leadership presence – Lower cortisol leads to a more composed, influential presence.

•   Increased energy and focus – Deep recovery means you operate at a higher level, with consistent energy and concentration.

The best executive coaches will tell you that the ability to recover from stress effectively is what separates leaders who burnout from those who thrive.

If you’re serious about optimising your stress resilience, leadership presence, and well-being, coaching can provide the structure and get in touch to explore executive coaching and team coaching solutions designed to help you lead with clarity, resilience, and impact.